yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
