it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
