Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
