apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize