I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
