omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i barfeds in our rink
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
