so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
