is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?