I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...