im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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