On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
