i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?