Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me

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  (646): I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me http://tfl.nu/nl48
  Replies (20) Good night (4717) Bad night (962)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  no one should ever give us hovercrafts

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  (847): no one should ever give us hovercrafts http://tfl.nu/uqn3
  Replies (25) Good night (4561) Bad night (789)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.

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  (812): About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix. http://tfl.nu/c1od
  Replies (43) Good night (9913) Bad night (779)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?

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  (203): Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock? http://tfl.nu/k7ck
  Replies (27) Good night (6188) Bad night (1072)
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  (845): View more from New York

  so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date

  (845): View more from New York

  i guess it runs in the family.

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  (845): so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date (845): i guess it runs in the family. http://tfl.nu/gfn4
  Replies (6) Good night (5390) Bad night (1019)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.

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  (740): he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue. http://tfl.nu/53t4
  Replies (18) Good night (2479) Bad night (2012)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.

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  (905): Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants. http://tfl.nu/3ltp
  Replies (5) Good night (1995) Bad night (665)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.

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  (479): I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again. http://tfl.nu/tpxn
  Replies (3) Good night (774) Bad night (575)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover

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  (847): A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover http://tfl.nu/j4ep
  Replies (4) Good night (1287) Bad night (480)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.

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  (910): Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here. http://tfl.nu/sd9v
  Replies (1) Good night (1043) Bad night (387)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.

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  (616): Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries? (1-616): I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex. http://tfl.nu/oahp
  Replies (5) Good night (1006) Bad night (329)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck

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  (708): He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck http://tfl.nu/28kh
  Replies (6) Good night (1346) Bad night (353)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.

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  (815): Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down. http://tfl.nu/94ky
  Replies (5) Good night (830) Bad night (379)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?

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  (314): Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover? http://tfl.nu/atlc
  Replies (1) Good night (259) Bad night (480)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I also know you puked in your shoe.

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...

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  (940): I also know you puked in your shoe. (1-940): That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ... http://tfl.nu/2uzx
  Replies (2) Good night (296) Bad night (404)

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