Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What changed your mind?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed