Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
