Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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