***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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