are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
