my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
