The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
