I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
