after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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