My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
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