ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
