My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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