So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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