Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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