You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
