If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I want her autograph on my taint
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
