I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
