We won't sleep together?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
