My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You smell like a Billy Joel song
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
