I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
PANTIES FOUND
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