I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
lol hangovers are for mortals.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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