just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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