I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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