you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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