We're facebook friends in real life
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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