I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I came so hard my ears popped.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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