I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
