I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
