I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
