I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
