girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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