Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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