Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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