There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
