You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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