I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
