Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
