The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
