i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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