I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
