So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just invented taco cereal.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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