phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm always down for nudity.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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