We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize