FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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