I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
