Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
