why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
