Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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