Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
