shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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