I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
