I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
