so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
