why do cheetos always look like penises
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
