I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
