If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
