I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
